Why is it so hard for moms to take care of themselves? Really. I want to hear your ideas, readers (all 5 of you)!
Even now, I am having a difficult time writing this because both of the kids are asleep, miraculously, and there are a plethora of other things to be done around the house. I should be picking up after a chaotic morning. I should be getting things ready to cook for dinner. I should be putting in a load of laundry. I should wipe up that smudge of something I can’t remember because its been there so long. I should call my insurance company…yadda yadda yadda. I am forcing myself to write this.
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| If ever a mom chooses to do something for herself, something else must always be sacrificed. Here, my children are hypnotized by the swing and television so that I can finish a project for mommy's benefit: the Roman Blind for our bedroom. |
I was just visiting with another mom-friend of mine and we were talking about how irritating it is that our husbands seem to be able to completely ignore such chores and take care of themselves so naturally. Ignore isn’t even the right word. I believe that somehow beyond my understanding, men simply don’t SEE the tasks laid out before them that are so obvious to us.
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| My husband sleeping once he lulled the baby to sleep. This looks good to me. Why don't I do this more often? (P.S., I couldn't join him this time because I was taking care of the other one who was awake still...) |
Now, this is not a harping session on the husbands. (Though it is often irritating) I believe we could learn a lot from them and how they manage parenthood. But why is it that when faced with the same circumstance of children and household and responsibilities, a man can just say ‘I am going to kick back and do x y z’ and hit the dishes later.
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| This is a frozen lump of leftover chocolate sauce that mommy sneaks bites of throughout the day in a very misguided effort to 'take care of herself.' This is not care. This epitomizes a woman who is too frenzied to stop and think, or stop and feel what it is that she truly needs. |
My mind is a constant buzz of scheming and strategizing all day. I work hard at using every opportunity to do all that HAS to be done first, and then if there is time left over after all that, I will take a shower, or have a cup of tea (the luxury!). It feels completely unnatural to shun the tasks at hand and do even the smallest thing for myself.
Why!?
My husband often tells me he doesn’t care if the house is a disaster and the laundry isn’t done if it means that I was able to spend that time on myself somehow. Why do I feel like this is not an option? Everything is an option. Anything is an option! If I am closed off to taking care of myself, what else am I closing off? If I am in a constant state of busyness, what am I missing?
It feels like everyday has a certain routine that is inevitable and monotonous. What if I woke up in the morning (to the sounds of child who needs me) and simply said ‘what’s next?’ instead of ‘here we go again.’
women are "taskers". We don't just have a job, do it in a specific time frame, then we are done for the day. This is what men do. They have tunnel vision. They work hard to support their family from 8-4, then the rest is all choice- i.e. "helping out". We don't see our tasks as choice, we set out on a never ending adventure to do the work of keeping 3-4+ family members lives well balanced. And because we are usually perfectionists at what we do and see- since we don't "see" us until last...you get the idea...
ReplyDeleteI love your post about the frozen chocolate. I hear ya. I recently baked with choc chips, and the bag was "accidentally" kept out . . . then somehow it found it's new home in my fruit bowl. So everyday when I had that tiny little chance to grab a bite for myself, I would reach past the oranges, apples and bananas (things that would actually give me nourishment and energy), and pour a small handful out of chocolate chips instead.
ReplyDeleteAh, misguided attempts to "take care" of ourselves.
Yesterday at our last birth class our instructor said that after the baby comes you should make a to-do list with 5 things on it for each day. The first 4 should be the everyday type things- like, make lunch, do a load of laundry, brush teeth, things like that... and they your fifth thing should be different everyday- and something that is just for you. It could be going to lunch with a friend, or a walk, or reading some of a magazine. It just needed to be something that broke up the monotony of the days and gave you (at least a little bit of) time to be you.
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely give it a shot in a few months here...